Interesting and funny newspaper articles

[Citizen X]

“GIVE BACK MY LOBOLA!”
Ladies and gentleman, in the left corner we have Raymond Maluleke, he’s adamant, he wants to go to court to stop his customary wife from marrying another man even though he left her!
“TAKE YOUR LOBOLA AND VOETSAK!”
In the right corner we have Norman Shirley’s brother, he says, “” Come and take back the R1900 lobola money you paid. Your R1900 cannot even buy a dead cow. It can only pay for a goat.”
I would certainly say that I genuinely believed that I heard all that could be said about in laws! I was wrong! Right here in Lenasia, we have a curry powder named ‘mother in law!”

[Dave A]

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." -- Lewis Grizzard

[Citizen X]

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." -- Lewis Grizzard

I suppose that's the equivalent of the bliss of marriage...On a more serious note though, it's quite alarming that most of my peers that I went to high school with are now divorced! Just plain tragic!
As the adage goes, 'love and marriage goes together like a horse and carriage!"

[Citizen X]

My ward councillor knocked us down with her car!
We familiar with poor service delivery from the city council, and a barrage of complaints against the ward councillor’s. I recall with my pleasure one our prized articles wherein it was stated, ‘The councillor is eating our money,’ I actually agree BUT
‘Ward councillor in car knocked us over!” This is new, gentle people, this is one for the records!
“ When Glory Mdluli(45) and Naniki Kgwadi(62) were knocked over by a car while walking on the side of the road, they were shocked to see who the driver was. It was their ward councillor!
The driver was Councillor Gugu Mbatha and she was drunk.
“The worst thing is that the councillor fixed the wall but didn’t bother to check up on us.”

[IanF]

What is sick about the article is I can believe it!

[Citizen X]

What is sick about the article is I can believe it!

How very true Ian! How very true indeed, the sick part is just that , we can actually comprehend the notion of your very own ward councillor tasked with your general well being knocking you down with her car in your council area while she's drunk. She fixes your wall, but doesn't care to pay you a coutesy visit to see how you doing! We should have a handbook entitled ' How not to do things in South Africa.'

[Citizen X]

Priest on the run with my car!
I can say a great many things about certain priests, but my priest stole my car, no sir, I haven’t had that experience as yet!“My priest took my car and he has disappeared with it.” Desley Mazibuko(51) from Braamfisher, Soweto, told Daily Sun” “ My silver Toyota Yaris, TVC947 needed a service and my priest told me he knew a mechanic who would do the job at a good price. ‘My priest is Trevor Shanagu-he is also known as Linda. I trusted him and gave him my car as well as R2000 to pay the mechanic……He is a soft spoken person. He is a soft spoken person. I still can’t believe what he has done to me.”
Oh really pastor! Thou shall not steal pastor!
.

[Citizen X]

Facebook: You can contact your assailant on facebook to ask them why they beat you and your brother up BUT they can reply with threats!
‘Top DJ Beat us up ‘ Charges laid against Fistaz
“Dumisani said on Sunday, he contacted Clifford and Fistaz on Facebook to ask them why they beat him and his brother up but they replied with threats”
The right of reply by one alleged assailant!
“Masinga told Daily Sun he was shocked by the incident. ‘I was talking to them and minutes later, people were beating them up. I didn’t touch them, “ he said

[Citizen X]

Evil spirit caused me to have sexual feelings for mypastor!

If you want a he said, she said scenario, you know what, I’ll give you one!!!!!
I’m all for confession especially where it’s sincere i.e. showing remorse etc. but I’m not so convinced about this particular confession!
Mokgadi Maphutha says, “ In 2008 an evil spirit got into my heart. I started to have sexual feelings for the married priest at Keruso Bible Church and developed a jealous hatred of the female apostle who was close to him.”
“The consequences of her wicked obsession were:-
1. The priest’s wife divorced him in late 2011 after 17 years of marriage;
2. The name of the female apostle was dragged through the mud and she got divorced too.”

“ Mokgadi said: “I suspected that the pastor was seeing the apostle. Satan forced me to spread lies about their affair. Then I told the preiest’s wife about her husband’s cheating. Now I want people to know about the damage I have caused.”

Daily Sun Spoke to the priest’s wife, Busi Khumalo, who said”I was possessed by jealously which was influenced by Mokgadi. When my husband tried to explain I thought he was lying to me.”

“Apostle Portia Nxumalo said:” I could not believe it when the rumour was spread about me being in love with the priest. My life was damaged. I forgive Mokgadi but she must explain to people why she lied.”


AND what does the priest have to say, well…

“The priest, Bob Khumalo, said: “ This issue has caused serious damage but I forgive Mokgadi and Busi.”

[Citizen X]

Mum takes baby boozing
There is nothing funny about this article! I collect these simply because upon reading such an article, I say, ‘Look what my fellow human being is doing”
“She collected the child grant that honest taxpayers provide and went straight to the nearest shebeen. Then she began pouring Black Label down her throat while her one-month-old baby was suckling at her breast.”
“When Daily Sun tried to talk to the boozing mother at a Bloemfontein tavern, she said three words” “ Go to Hell!”

“She said she raised her two older kids, who are now 10 and 13, on booze and there is nothing wrong with them.”
Now Call me a cynic, but the drinking crowd at this tavern did rebuke her!!
"One man said, 'We told her if she does not leave, we will beat her up."

He went further to say, " What she is doing is wrong. Ot is damaging her kid's brain. "Women like this are bad mothers and they are destroying our nation."
A very sensable thing to say from a tavern drinker!!!