Interesting and funny newspaper articles

[Citizen X]

I have a rather eccentric alternatively flamboyant hobby! I collect newspaper articles and cartoons that are particularly funny. I’d like to share some with you guys and, I guess , see you perceive the clip. Since I cut out the cartoon or article it won’t always be possible to acknowledge the source. This one is entitled , “Prison Break 5, starring Ananias Mathe, coming soon1 From Prison to your living room!(see attached, it’s a million laughs, I promise you!)
1. Remember the series “Prison break,” the protagonist had tattoos all over his body, but in actual fact it was a map;
2. In this cartoon, that character from Zimbabwe Ananias Mathew net on a crime spree right here in SA, so the editors or reporters capitalized on the coincidence of this character escaping a few times from prison just when the series “prison break, “ was on tv;
3. In this cartoon, Ananias too has tattoos on his body! But, his tattoos tell a different story, they include bribery money, Vaseline(remember, he said, he squeezed himself out of the window by smearing Vaseline all over his body, and the guards were asleep, this too is included in his tattoos!
4. In another newspaper that was running at the time, don’t remember which one, but it was entitled, “ I’m no Houdini,” and aptly so as Ananias himself testified to the fact that he isn’t really a Houdini, on the night of his escape some of the guards were sleeping and to compound matters he actually recalled, that it was one of the guards birthday because while he was escaping he heard them singing happy birthday to their fellow guard!

[Citizen X]

See attached pdf for a clearer picture!




How South African welcome foreigners:

[Citizen X]

One of my favourite photos in these past few years!

[Citizen X]

The headlines said it all! "Drink judge fights back."

[Citizen X]

There is an unspoken rule in criminal law: Always keep your jacket with you so that if you arrested you can cover your head and face. Rationale: Don’t get media to make a circus out of you.However, there are exceptions: In these 3 convicted criminals cases, the psychologist/psychiatrist provided that they want attention especially photos..

[Citizen X]

The modus operandi of getting a TB social grant has slightly changed! In the past, a TB patient sold you his spit from R100, you then present this sputem to the nurse who tests it to establish if you got TB. On a positive result, you set: TB grant:
Now, the system has improved , they want to see you spitting the spit in a container to avoid this practice. The way it has essentially changed, from what a few people have explained to me, is a TB patient sell you about a cup full of spit, you then drink that spit and wait for 48 hours. You've now got TB, you set again, TB social grant!!!!

[Citizen X]

Okay, don’t shoot the messenger! I’m merely reporting on a story that was already reported in the public domain. I am also using the exact words of the reporter!
In short there is this 72 year old man known as “Brian the river snake,” who has lived under a bridge near the Sand river in the Free State. His real name is Koadile. According to him “his problem started in 1988 while he was working at a factory in Welkom. He was always thirsty and tried to drink as much water as he could – but nothing calmed his water craving. So he went to a place where water would be no problem-next to a river under a bridge.”
The people of that community were under the impression that he was a large river snake so in true capatilist style a sangoma capitalized on this community perception.” The sangoma paid Brian with cigarettes, mealie meal and other food.” “To help in the deception the old man even had a ‘snake uniform” consisting of plastic bags and a snake tail made of rolled blanket”
“BUT, now old Koadile has spilled tehe beans to the People;’s paper, he is not the giant river snake, he’s just a hobo!”

[Citizen X]

Strike forecast!!
You've heard of weather forecast but are you familiar with strike forecast??

[tec0]

That Prison break is worth printing

[Citizen X]

You know Tec0, the irony of it all was that this character actually told the court, " I'm no houdini" and further explained how some guards were asleep during his escape and others were singing happy birthday to one of their fellow warders. Now I'm pretty sure that if correctional services were to investigate that claim, they would simply have to check which warders birthday it was on that day! This is not the first time I'm hearing of governmental staff singing happy birthday to a fellow public servant to the detriment of customer service. A lady I know that lives in Germiston is having huge problems with that city council and in her complaint she mentions that while the ignored her and told her that she must just pay, they interupted the service delivery to sing happy birthday to a fellow public servant. She even remembers the name of that public servant from the happy birthday singing!

[Citizen X]

Don’t shoot the messenger! I have it on good authority: This article that Paul Kruger believed that the World is flat and not round!!!

[Citizen X]

I don’t know about you but I would be very disturbed to learn that there is a coffin under my house!

[Citizen X]

I love a good scandal! There’s a reason why I read nose week, the Daily Sun and the Sunday Times! We never short of a nice , good entertaining scandal!

[Citizen X]

Okay, so don’t shoot the messenger! I’m merely reporting word for word what was already reported in the Sunday Times. This is the actual photo of that article from a few years ago. The headline on that front page, “Gandhi smeared as Indian Hitler.”
“Deedat’s son distributes book that says founder of passive resistance was a sick man.” “Yousuf Deedat has already distributed 7000 copies in Durban and Pretoria. His next port of call will be Cape Town next month. He says Gandhi was not fit to be called a mahatma(meaning great soul) adding that he was not fit even to be called an ordinary soul.”” Gandhi was once thrown out of a train compartment which was exclusively reserved for whites. It was not that Gandhi was fighting on behalf of local Africans that he broke the rule in getting into a whites compartment. No! That was not the reason.” It says Gandhi had no concern for Africans and took up the cudgels on behalf on Indians because he was furious that he and his merchant caste Indians were treated on par with the local Africans.”
Naturally, I don’t agree with the sentiments expressed in this book or this article. The contrary is true, Gandhi is worthy of his iconic status!Notwitstanding this someone actually wrote an entire book on this! It was however the pose the author created i.e. him and his book that caught my attention!(Strike a pose!) A proud author with his book!

[Citizen X]

How to know if you’ve got problems? Well, if an evil ghostly horse not only haunts you every night and craps in your room but also tries to have sex with you, you’ve got some major problems! “If there’s something strange in your neighbourhood, who you gonna call? Ghostbusters!”This gentleman's community did aver that he has a drinking problem, but in right of reply, he provided that this ghostly horse has driven him to drink! I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, if a ghostly horse was not only haunting you, but also crapping in your room and perhaps more worrying even trying to have sex with you, won't you be driven to drink!!!