Contact us funnies

[Dave A]

The basic idea behind a forum website is that people can ask questions and generally discuss stuff on the forum.

The basic idea behind having a contact us link is so that the user can send a message if they're having trouble using the forum.

So with this in mind, I thought it might be an idea to run a thread on some of the "off-topic" contact us messages I receive from time to time (along with my replies). Feel free to add your own comments or useful suggestions as we go along

So today I get:

i have difficulties in finding the SAA bursary application forms, for aeronatical engineering. I would be very delighted if you can get back to me sooner!

My reply:
So do I!

Sorry!

[Dave A]

I got this one today.

Radio Polokwane is not far from being established since Sentech is about to erect a relative transmitter.We require training in various respects in time for 2010 matches since Polokwane is a host city.

Anyone got any helpful suggestions for a reply?

[Marq]

Flaccid transmission relative to your erection size, requires a quality assurance program in various respects ensuring that viral infections do not depend on the interactions that occur between virus and host. As such inhouse training is generally recommended for all polukas as mentioned.

[daveob]

Assuming that Sentech's erection is going to do something for you, and if they don't pull out at the last moment, you may want to check the following link :

http://www.talkfootball.co.uk/guides/rules_of_football.html

[Dave A]

Well, that's already a whole lot better than anything I might have come up with. So I've replied with a link to this thread

Keep 'em coming.

[Dave A]

Next one:

I am managing a student accomodation, so I need help on how to make all stundents to pay by debit orders starting form next year.

Personally I'd suggest using Netcash, but that's not going to help much if there are insufficient funds in the students' bank accounts.

[Marq]

Firstly I would suggest that this enquirer gets one of the students to help with spelling and language.
Then I suggest they compile a list of the students parents and sponsors and their addresses.
Then write a letter/email in best student wording and spelling to Parents asking for bank account numbers and debit order authorisation forms.
Then hand all that information received over to me and I will take it from there.

[Dave A]

You see why peoplle should post their questions on the forum. That's way more info than I came up with. Although I have my reservations about this one

Then hand all that information received over to me and I will take it from there.

That wouldn't be the 100% fee management plan by any chance?

[Marq]

Ah - No its a rebate scheme, where depending on the amount thats collected, we determine what the costs are and thereby determine the correct balanced portfolio percentage to be handed over to the managed rental scheme, which is after all why we are doing this. I am in the process of writing to Netcare, Pick and Pay and the other retail groups to see if they can guide me in this regard.

[Dave A]

Not so much a query as a sequence - all from the same registered member over about 15 minutes:

1.

Please cancel my membership, with immediatly

2.

please cancel my account I no longer would like to be on.

3.

please cancel my membership with immediate effect.
my wife doesnt like this

4.

now

5.

please remove me from this site........
I want my user name to be cancelled

I've got this picture in my mind of the wife not liking this.

[Superscenic]

Weird. Maybe the picture of you between two Hawaiian ladies gave the wife some wrong ideas as to the nature of the forum?

[Dave A]

Could be - That picture certainly gave my wife the wrong impression of Hawaii.

[Marq]

The missing info that everyone is wondering about....

[Dave A]

You're wicked

[twinscythe12332]

the one chick is going to have an elbow shaped tan on her one side hehehe