I can just imagine the tour: On the left you see the wine farms...burning, on the right are the wineries....sorry, those were the wineries last week, now there are just pillars left because the weka's took the stainless steel sheeting to build their hokkies, in front of us is the highway...sh1t, scratch that, it is a concrete strip covered in rocks, burning tyres and police shooting teargas. Ok, next, we are now passing khayelitsha, yes, you are right madam, those people are sitting on top of the koppie taking a dump in the sun because they tore down the structures, they say that they will crap in the sun or bulletproof concrete - either is ok. Yes those people sitting there at the station are crazy, they burned the train last week Wednesday because it was 5 minutes late and they have been sitting there eversince waiting for the train to take them to work (yes I know there is no such things as ghost trains - ok, ok, except in Harry Potter). Oh look, see those teachers and schoolkids running there, they are on their way to the Department Of Education because there is absolutely nothing to learn in this county, because they already know that Verwoerd caused all the strife and anyhow they burned the school down 3 weeks ago because they felt that it was a little overcrowded. We are now passing through Mitchells Plein, please put on your bullet proof vest and kopdak because the locals are having a little shoot-em-up at primary school again, you see those gangsters there, yes the ones with the Uzi's, they are in grade 3, you can tell because they do not carry AK47 yet. Please feel free to ask me to stop at the next intersection if you would like to purchase some of the local merchandise, the hawkers have a variety of bullets, knives, drugs that you can smoke, drink or just swallow. We are now on our way back to the airport, oh dear, are you really planning to give your baggage to ACSA so that they can put it on the plane for you, ag shame man, we should rather just stop here and you can just toss it in the veld. At least you know where it went. With ACSA it could end up in any city in the world or more likely spread over many houses here in the ...Plein.
Thank you for taking the tour and hope you come again soon, we still have 10,000 guest houses and a brand spanking new soccer stadium to pay off from the last time we got a little too caught up in the moment.

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