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Thread: work functions and married life

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    work functions and married life

    here is a question to all you married men and women...do you feel it right for your spouse to attend work functions from early in the morning till all hours of the night...including dinner and pub crawling...you know the last one for the road which leads to a couple more for the road until eventually you sit stressing that something might have happened...and when they arrive home starts shouting making scene like you the one who did somthing wrong...especially if she/he is the only one of the opossite sex...and what do you think about the fact that you become the bad egg because when you finally get hold of them... you become the laughing stock of the party...and become the talk of the office the following day.
    Last edited by murdock; 25-Feb-11 at 12:24 PM.

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    .......
    Last edited by murdock; 25-Feb-11 at 12:27 PM.

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    I believe that when in a relationship, there's respect. Your partner wouldn't appreciate it if it was done to him/her. That's why I'm so glad I don't drink.

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    Gold Member daveob's Avatar
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    I think a lot of factors are at play here :

    is the spouse the majority bread winner in the family ?
    is this job a major career thing that the whole family is relying on to make big moves forward ?
    are those 'big moves' really worth what you're sacrificing in the process ?
    is the 'at home' spouse pulling weight and supporting the family with the chores and responsibilities ?
    is it a regular or seldom happening ?
    are the kids left at home in the care of the remaining spouse ?
    is it right for the kids to be neglected by this spouse ? applies to both mom and dad.
    do you suspect any 'extra activities' happening ?

    Many other factors, but I believe you have to do what's best for the family, and especially the kids.

    In my case, earning less and being home more for my children is better for them than having all the techo-gadgets and little / no parent contact - it is a decision my wife and I made and we are so much richer for it - not in the bank, but definitely in the heart.

    This afternoon I was at the PC at home and my 3 year old daughter saw a pic of the cartoon cat "Top cat" and his side-kick on the cupboard.

    She asked who the pic was of.
    I replied "top cat"
    "And who's this ?" she asked, pointing to his shorter pal.
    "I don't know" I say.
    "Oh, it is bottom cat" she replies and walks out the room.

    a priceless moment for me to be around to hear it.
    Watching the ships passing by.

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    Platinum Member sterne.law@gmail.com's Avatar
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    There is a big difference between the work function element which "must" be attended and the part which is of choice. All busines speople attend functions in different forms, some we really want to attend and some we do not, but feel obliged for what ever reason.(actually same goes for family type functions)
    Those we do not really want to go to, we go, attend for the main parts, say our hellos and polite good byes at what is the PC time to move on.
    Likewise - a work function can be attended without the need to go on the after party, without negative impact. (If the big boss is part of the main after party and not going will have a negative impact - then do you really want to be working there?)
    All of the above not withstanding, it is disrespectful and hardly the behaviour a spouse should deliver to NOt at least phone whne one is late/ delayed or some such occurrence. I would believe that that is a charecteristic that we should be passing on to our children and teh Practice what you preach adage rings true.
    I would also fear that the spouse who ELECTS to go on the after party continously is demonstrating a desire not to be at home>
    Anthony Sterne

    www.acumenholdings.co.za
    DISCLAIMER The above is merely a comment in discussion form and an open public arena. It does not constitute a legal opinion or professional advice in any manner or form.

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    Site Caretaker Dave A's Avatar
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    I don't think it's ever a good thing, but whether it's a problem or not really comes down to the state of the relationship.

    I seriously suggest don't try to stop the "socialising"; rather work on improving the relationship. Reading Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray is about as good a place as any to start if you think your relationship needs some TLC. Another is Personality Plus by Florence Littauer.
    The trouble with opportunity is it normally comes dressed up as work.

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    i had a mate who arrived at a work function which was at one of the bosses houses...when he arrived at the function most of the women where topless and some even had less on...they were all having a really good time when he arrived...and was invited to join in...but chose to leave and requested his wife to leave with him she declined because they were having fun and it wasnt like she was doing anything wrong because all the women had their tops off...mmmm pity i missed that party when i was single...but he was seen as the bad egg for not joining in as they were all just having fun...he divorced his wife...it turned out those parties happened frequently.

    you must always remeber no matter how strong your relationship with your partner is...one argument...disagreement could put them into a state of unhappiness add a group... having a good time... a couple glasses of red wine and you could end up with a regret in the morning...i have personall y been at a party where things got out of hand and seen some sorry people in the morning...not sure what to do...do they tell or just hope it nevers comes out what happened.

    i believe what the heart doesnt know cant break it...however most people would say you should be honest...my belief is dont put yourself in the position to begin with...i believe all work function should include spouses after hours especially if includes drinking...work is for work and play time is exactly that...so dont mix them...weekends away for work to bond could be exactly that...if you are spending more time bonding with work mates who do you end up bonding with.

    i have been down this road...watched many relationships get destroyed because of it and dont believe it it is good for any relationship no matter how strong you think it might be...stand in the right hand lane on the freeway and eventually you will get hit by a car....unless you move away...at some stage in your life your relationship will have its challenges and if you are putting yourself out there...chances are that one night could just be the one you regret

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dave A View Post
    I don't think it's ever a good thing, but whether it's a problem or not really comes down to the state of the relationship.

    I seriously suggest don't try to stop the "socialising"; rather work on improving the relationship. Reading Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray is about as good a place as any to start if you think your relationship needs some TLC. Another is Personality Plus by Florence Littauer.
    i have only read 2 books in my entire life...maybe now you can understand why i type the way i do...and i am not going to tell you what they are because then you will just laugh.

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    Diamond Member adrianh's Avatar
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    I think the problem is not with work functions per se but with extreme partying. My wife and I were invited to a birthday party to friends of friends. We didn't really know anybody except the couple with whom we tagged along. Anyway, to cut a long story short, the host (husband) got totally plastered and ended up in the Jacuzzi with a mate and 2 girls from work (all kaalgat mind you). My wife and I made a discreet retreat and headed home. It came out that the host ended up knobbing one of the girls in full view of his wife and all the other guests and then promply passed out. Our friend fished him out and put him to bed. Are they still married - dunno but I am told that he denied everything and was adamant that it couldn't have happened - (I am sure that all his guest will be taking video cameras to his next party)
    How easily someone is offended is directly proportional to how stupid they are.
    ~GS Elevator

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    Diamond Member tec0's Avatar
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    If the boss invites this person to an orgy, will he/she sacrifice the body, relationships and health to go? Well itís not an orgy but it is kind of the same thing. Your obligation ends at quitting time. Then the boss can go jump in the fire because, the boss have enough money to keep his/her other half happy or the divorce lawyer happy.

    Why must you engage in an @ss-kissing frenzy after work? Look I get it, that is normally promotion time but if your boss wants to fire you because you want to go home after hours. Then that is an indicator that the boss wants to destroy you. Normally bosses like that have an overactive ego and IT WILL bite you in the end of the day.

    For me it is always about respect and people call me a buzz-kill, and all kind of names. I really donít care because in my mind my life is about me and the people I care about. The rest can go jump. I donít care about the boss or there stupid pub-crawl and strip-club expeditions.

    In the end this boss will make your other-half unhappy, this boss IS directly attacking your children and their happiness and this boss IS attacking your health.

    So I say donít justify anything, you know what is important to you and risking everything just for a dinner party, pub-crawl and strip-club expeditions is just pointless and stupid.
    peace is a state of mind
    Disclaimer: everything written by me can be considered as fictional.

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