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Thread: standard bank

  1. #11
    Silver Member Frankincense's Avatar
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    " noticed XXXXXX must be battling offering all sorts of incentives"

    Don't be made a fool - Banks Globally have millions to throw at flesh in order to recruit during the finalisation s6ta6ge6s - if to be interpreted correctly - it's a sign of such extreme wealth that they will now even pay you to open your account...and the reasons are many fold, but primarily coz they can afford to pay you to surrender and take part in the transactional culture and once it's open...you belong to them for life...unless you shut down your transactional abilities..........

    Recruiting humans into a binding "Buying & Selling" transactional contract stretches far further than meets the eye and has almost nothing to do with profit....and more about control...as once you can control the flesh...who cares how much money you have...YOU WILL HAVE CONTROL....the profit is then infinite!!!

    There's a "little book" being compiled and the "goats" will go in the one and the "sheep" in the other.....until the day of separation....

    When the mark manifests - Game Down!

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Marq's Avatar
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    umm... yeh that sounds about right. I'll have what he is on.
    The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
    Sponsored By: http://www.honeycombhouse.com

  3. Thanks given for this post:

    Graeme (08-Jul-09)

  4. #13
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    this must be why they offer you more and more credit...so you can take it wrap it around your neck tie your hands behind your back then hang yourself...but they put a box underneath so that your toes just reach and that is it you are theirs...or you can change banks and just become someone elses puppet...am i on the right track here?

  5. #14
    Platinum Member Marq's Avatar
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    but they put a box underneath so that your toes just reach
    Yep - its a matchbox....and if you need more matches they burn the lot.
    The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
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  6. #15
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    i received this today...and considering forwarding to standard bank.


    "Subject: Fw: Banks - you just have to take a leaf out of there manuals



    A 98 year old woman in the UK wrote this to her bank. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the Times.

    Dear Sir,

    I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month.

    By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it.

    I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement, which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

    My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

    I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try tocontact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

    From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

    My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

    Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

    Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

    Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

    In due course, I will issue your employee with PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

    I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of buttonpresses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.

    As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

    Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:

    1. To make an appointment to see me.

    2. To query a missing payment.

    3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

    4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

    5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

    6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

    7. To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)

    8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through to 8.

    9. To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

    While this may,on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

    Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

    May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.

    Your Humble Client

    Remember: This was written by a 98 year old woman;

    DOESN'T SHE MAKE YOU PROUD!"

  7. #16
    Silver Member Frankincense's Avatar
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    "By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed"....if you late you're late.....System Roll-out...

  8. #17
    Site Caretaker Dave A's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by murdock View Post
    Remember: This was written by a 98 year old woman;
    Better late than never

  9. #18
    Bronze Member Alan's Avatar
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    Watch this space.... a Hum Dinger is about to break!!!!!
    Remember the Ark was built by Amateurs and the Titanic was built by professionals.
    Business isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.

    Marine Aquariums SA

  10. #19
    Site Caretaker Dave A's Avatar
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    Sorry Al, that story you're waiting for might be a while yet.

    Remarkably innovative banking fees deserve a truly creative response

  11. #20
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    tough times are a good thing because it makes you look at things you wouldnt normally bother with...money goes in money goes out the fact that so many people are pulling the butt out of things you dont take note...you just pay... because its R50 here R23 there small amounts which dont send off warning bells...like if they debited you for say R2000 one hit for all these little amounts...an idea is to take you bank statement and print it out....get a highlighter and highlight all the bank chargers but i mean all of them service fees...debit fees...withdrawl fees...bond costs and fees...vehicle costs and fees...i think you might be surpised when you add them all up...from the R0.85 to the 3 seperate interest on overdraft fees....my biggest expense in my bussiness at this point in time is standard bank.

    i have already started the process of becoming debit free again...no more overdrafts...no more credit cards...garage cards...debit orders...clothing accounts etc...i get as many customers as i can to pay me cash by offering a discount for cash so that i dont pay for deposit fees then withdrawl fees...i dont use cards for purchasing anymore i pay cash for stuff at the tills so there no debit card fee or credit card fees for the seller which means a discount at the tills and from other people i am dealing in cash.

    my next vehicle will be purchased for cash which will save me huge amounts of money again considering what i am paying interest...insurance etc on the vehicle i am driving at the moment.

    thats something else which makes me laugh i havent had insurance for years...tata ma chances...i had to take out insurance on the house because of the bond...had a small incident so i put in a claim...the problem hadnt even been repaired yet and i have already got the new increased premium...they will get a return on the pay out within 18 months.

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