Dear :

[X] Clueless Newbie  [X] Lamer      [ ] CS'er    [X] Dead-beat
[ ] "Me too"'er      [ ] Pervert    [ ] Geek    [ ] Pre-teen
[ ] Nerd            [ ] Fed        [ ] Slut
[ ] Freak            [X] Troller    [X] Loser    [ ] Cryogenic
[ ] Scammer          [ ] Spammer    [X] Moron    [ ] Scientologist
[ ] Asshole          [ ] Jerk        [ ] Dickhead
[ ] Nazi pig        [ ] Droid from Microsoft
[ ] monkey spank    [ ] man with CAPS LOCK button depressed forever
[ ] Cluless Mac user [X] Clueless AOL'er
[ ] Self-righteous prick            [X] Blatantly Obvious Troll.*
[ ] Rubber-Loving-Barbie-Thumper*    [ ] Transverstite*
[ ] LEA (you know who you are)*      [ ] Jewish Nazi Cannibal*

You Are Being Flamed Because :

[X] You suck                        [X] You make no sense
[ ] You said "me too" to something  [ ] You posted the same message to 2 or more threads
[ ] You started an off-topic thread  [ ] I don't like your tone of voice
[ ] You are acting like sluts        [ ] Your sig/alias/server is dreadful
[ ] You posted a phone-sex ad        [ ] I think you might be a fed
[X] You're worthless                [ ] You piss me off
[X] You whine like a damn toddler    [X] I hate you for no reason in particular.*
[ ] You were crude/tasteless/perverted/vulgar in your post/letter
[ ] You have the grammar of an inbred West Virginian
[ ] I saw a wanted poster with your face on it in the sysops' office
[X] You have no clue whatsoever about this topic and still posted
[ ] You posted a "HOLIER THAN THOU" message
[ ] You posted something asking for warez sites
[ ] You quoted an ENTIRE post in your reply
[X] You continued a long, stupid thread
[X] You posted a blatently obvious troll
[ ] You posted pretending to be someone famous (See "troll" above)
[ ] You replied to the above message type believing it was someone famous
[ ] You posted a stupid pyramid money making scheme and claimed it was legal
[ ] You posted in ElItE CaPiTaLs because you think that makes you cool
[ ] You brag about things that never happened
[ ] You made up slang then used it in a message
[ ] You posted a make money quick scam
[ ] You started a thread that everybody is going to cross post flames to
[X] You're so uniquely lost I had to create a new category just for you
[X] You did something so blatently stupid, that I had to add a catagory just for you.*
[X] You didn't do anything specific, but appear to be so generally worthless
    that you are being flamed anyway
[ ] You reek of someone who learned all he knows about computers from the "Quick Study" videos
[X] You reek of someone who could not figure out how to play the "Quick Study" videos*
[ ] You asked another stupid question
[ ] You posted the same article more than twice in a row to the SAME
    FORUM within five minutes of each other (see spamming above)
[ ] You CROSS-POSTED a message.*
[ ] You threatened to report this forum to the feds/gov.*
[ ] You think that this forum is regulated by YOUR country alone. (see line above)*

To Repent, You Must :

[X] Stop masturbating for a week    [X] Actually post something relevant
[X] Read the FAQ
[ ] Slice your wrist with dirty surgical equipment
    used for the circumsition of an aids patient.*
[X] Realise that you know dick about the subject of this thread
[X] RTFM then shove it up your ass
[ ] Watch at least 25 episodes of Beverly Hills 90210 continuously
[ ] Be President Clinton's love slave
[ ] Be the PR guy for Canter & Siegel
[X] Bust up your modem with a Jack-Hammer Shotgun and eat the little bits that remain of it.*
[X] Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor
[X] Tell your Mommy to up your medication
[X] Be the guest of honor in alt.flame for a month
[ ] Join alt.tasteless.jokes and ask "Why can't we all just get along?" (see line above)*
[ ] Hang yourself with some SCSI cables
[ ] Take up Bill Gates' cock and cum in the name of Microsoft
[X] Get off the 'Net and go back to your Sega Genesis
[ ] Trade in your Mac for a nice calculator
[ ] Use your imagination to think of a way to castrate yourself with a toothpick.*
[ ] Offer Richard Simmons a blowjob*
[ ] Overdose on hypersensitivity meds and skin your scrotum with a staple remover.*
[ ] Have anal sex with a leper.*
[ ] Tell Rosie 'O Donald you like fat bitches.*
[ ] Give yourself an enema of water and powdered magnesium. (see rec.pyrotechnics about this)*
[ ] Hari Kari yourself with a plastic spork (in between a spoon and fork) and a LOT of time.*
[ ] Hire someone to translate these messages to the grunts and/or growls that you understand.*
[ ] Wear the most queer clothing in all the world, (check your closet) go to a biker bar,
    find the biggest man there, call him a sissy and try to kiss him.*
[X] Renounce "Internet Explorer" and use Mozilla, Firefox, or any Linux web browsers.*
[ ] Shove your "e-machine" up your ass and stop blaming us.*
[ ] Sue "Microsoft" for something. (if everyone does it, they might find out what it feels like)*
[ ] Eat nothing but red meat for three days, then drink a quart of motor oil.*
[ ] Voluntarily add yourself to every kill-filter in existance.*
[ ] Break up your ManicShaft discs and do "bad things" with them.*
[ ] Denounce (insert deity here) and worship Tux.*
[ ] Announce your support for the Taliban while on a US Military base.*
[ ] Get a job at Disneyland, and publicly state your "love" of children.*
[ ] Ask the "Church of Euthanasia" (http://www.churchofeuthanasia.org) to help you make the world a better place. (Suicide)*
[ ] Go to a Catholic church, and enter the confessional. Confess your strong desire to "Rape the Virgin Mary with Jesus's Dick"*
[ ] Shove a beer bottle up your ass and break it.*
[ ] Have the word "fecalpheliac" tatooed on your forehead.*
[ ] Rape a kitten at the PETA headquarters.*
[ ] Pluck out both eyes with a pair of pliers, then shove the eyes and the pliers up your ass, then cut your tongue out with a paper shreader, and shove the tongue and the shreader up your ass, then shove lit fireworks in your ears, nose, and ass, then hang over the edge of railroad track over a bridge by your hands on the track while a train is coming. If you somehow survive all that, find what remains of your hands and shove them up your ass, then find the train....*

[ ] ALL OF THE ABOVE.*

In Closing, I'd Like to Say :

[ ] Blow me                          [ ] Get a life
[ ] Get stuffed                      [ ] Eat dirt
[ ] You need to get laid            [ ] Shut yer mouth from now on
[ ] Get wrecked
[ ] May the fleas of a million dying camels infest your crotch.*
[X] RTFM RTFM RTFM RTFM RTFM RTFM RTFM RTFM RTFM RTFM RTFM RTFM!!!*