Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Jackie Selebi's deteriorating health.

  1. #1
    Diamond Member AndyD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Cape Town
    Posts
    4,404
    Thanks
    513
    Thanked 854 Times in 687 Posts

    Jackie Selebi's deteriorating health.

    I smiled this morning when I read this from http://www.hayibo.com/jackie-selebi-to-be-diagnosed-with-slow-but-fatal-shaik-syndrome/

    JOHANNESBURG. Doctors attending former top cop Jackie Selebi say they are just hours away from confirming that he is suffering from the same slow-acting fatal disease that struck down Schabir Shaik and left him unable to do anything but drive his BMW around Durban, smoke Cuban cigars and lie next to his pool.

    Moments after being sentenced to 15 years in prison, Selebi dabbed at his forehead with a hanky and told aides that he was feeling “as if he might have some sort of fatal collapse at any moment in the next 20 years”.

    He was immediately rushed to the Manto Tshabalala-Msimang Memorial Hospital in central Johannesburg where doctors diagnosed him with a variety of terrifying ailments.

    According to medical team leader, Dr Spock Zulu, initial tests proved that Selebi had advanced rheumatoid larceny, congenital mendacious warts on his shrivelled ethical cortex, spasmodic hypertension of the kleptomania glands, as well as Lying Dickhead Syndrome, or LDS.

    “We see this a lot in government,” said Dr Zulu. “When large amounts of money combine with tiny amounts of accountability, the victim can transform from a mediocre bureaucrat into a Lying Dickhead.”

    But, he said, none of these symptoms would earn Selebi a medical parole.

    “You only get out of jail for two reasons,” he explained. “Either you’re flatlining, or President Zuma has got you on speed-dial.”

    However, he said, it was still possible that Selebi could be diagnosed with Shaik Syndrome, as long as he switched allegiance from Thabo Mbeki to Zuma.

    “We still don’t fully understand the medical science behind Shaik Syndrome, but we are all too familiar with the horrifying symptoms: the slow bloating triggered by donuts and sorbet; the paralysing ennui of discovering that the Tevo didn’t record the latest Idols auditions; and then the final, desperately sad decline into old age and death in between ten and fifty years.”

    Meanwhile, Selebi’s brother says he stands by his assertion that sentencing judge, Meyer Joffe, is an “apartheid judge”, presiding over an “apartheid court”, and enforcing the “imperial West’s” Roman-Dutch legal system.

    “Apartheid apartheid apartheid,” squealed Suleiman Selebi when questioned by journalists. “Apartheid, plus apartheid, and because apartheid, we apartheid apartheid with apartheid and whether or not apartheid apartheid, we apartheid apartheid apartheid.”

    This morning a spokesman from the Ministry of Justice asked Suleiman to “silence the noises in his head for five minutes” and to “listen very carefully.”

    “Dude, I’m only going to say this once,” said spokesman Articles Tsotsobe. “The judges are appointed by your government. Your. Government.

    “And as for imperialist Western Roman-Dutch law, you might want to ask your bra why he committed his life to policing that legal system. Although turns out he wasn’t so committed, was he?”

  2. #2
    Site Caretaker Dave A's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Durban, South Africa
    Posts
    20,980
    Thanks
    3,055
    Thanked 2,463 Times in 2,068 Posts
    Blog Entries
    12
    Quote Originally Posted by AndyD View Post
    “You only get out of jail for two reasons,” he explained. “Either you’re flatlining, or President Zuma has got you on speed-dial.”
    He missed one - if you've got enough dirt on other top fat cats to see them spend some quality cell time...
    The trouble with opportunity is it normally comes dressed up as work.

  3. #3
    Suspended
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    2,346
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 254 Times in 209 Posts
    i was waiting for this...

    what a waste of our tax money.

  4. #4
    Diamond Member adrianh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Cape Town
    Posts
    5,089
    Thanks
    336
    Thanked 808 Times in 642 Posts
    Lying Dickhead Syndrome, or LDS.

    Good one
    How easily someone is offended is directly proportional to how stupid they are.
    ~GS Elevator

  5. #5
    Diamond Member AndyD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Cape Town
    Posts
    4,404
    Thanks
    513
    Thanked 854 Times in 687 Posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Dave A View Post
    He missed one - if you've got enough dirt on other top fat cats to see them spend some quality cell time...
    That might fall under flatlining, especially in KZN where you would end up on a hit list if you knew too much.

  6. #6
    Gold Member garthu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Midrand
    Posts
    595
    Thanks
    39
    Thanked 65 Times in 55 Posts
    LOL,very nice... a few days ago i felt maybe a little sorry for Selebi for various reasons... It changed drastically at sentencing and the brothers comments. My sorrow was simply directed at the fact he is not so young, the toll has shown in his face... but that there was NO remorse, the brothers comments... may he do the 15
    Garth

    Electric fence Installation : www.midrand-electronics.co.za
    Free Classified Adds : www.bgone.co.za

Similar Threads

  1. Health on regulation of melamine in foodstuffs
    By I Robot in forum Food Industry Forum
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 27-Feb-09, 10:30 AM

Did you like this article? Share it with your favourite social network.

Did you like this article? Share it with your favourite social network.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •