Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Cheating and Unfair double standards that favour wives

  1. #1
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Johannesburg
    Posts
    175
    Thanks
    7
    Thanked 88 Times in 58 Posts

    Cheating and Unfair double standards that favour wives

    From a marriage discussion forum.


    If a married man cheats, he’s the scum of the earth. He is a selfish jerk that has jeopardised the family unit, done his ‘thinking with his little head’, and disrespected his wife and children. However, when the woman cheats, she’s portrayed as the victim of an insensitive and inattentive husband. “Poor thing, he ignores her. It is for her empowerment, to boost her ego. She deserves it after bearing and rearing his children.” It’s good for her self-esteem. Worse, her cheating is portrayed as the man’s fault. If he works long hours to provide for her and the children, he works too much. If he is tired at the end of the day from 13 hours of manual labour, then he doesn’t compliment her as much as she wants. Into this vacuum of conflicting expectations steps the first man who “makes me feel like a Real Woman again…”. You read that correctly; the man who is scrambling to pay the mortgage and car payments and is working double shifts to pay for the consumer goods she demanded to have is now considered a negligent and emotionally abusive husband. The man who may be working two jobs to allow her to be home with her kids is now considered a candidate for Domestic Violence.

    When a woman cheats, the first thing people ask is what he did, or more often, didn’t do, to drive her into the arms of another man.

    When a man cheats, no one ever asks the same question.

    When a woman cheats, the reaction will be; “Oh, poor thing, I guess her husband couldn’t get the job done in the bedroom”.

    When a man cheats, no one ever stops to think; “Oh poor fellow, his wife was horrible in bed.”

    Let’s not forget what happens if a man were to leave his wife for a younger woman. This will become fodder at the coffee shop for months. It is automatically assumed that he is a shallow sex maniac whose only motivation was to be with a younger woman. The possibility that his wife was of a generation of women who were taught to hate men and that younger women do not, that she was lazy, or a reckless spendthrift, or verbally or physically abusive, or grossly overweight, or an incompetent mother, are rarely considered and are often totally ignored. The myth is that the only reason a man leaves his wife is to be with a younger, more attractive woman. Never mind if she is a better match for him and a more supportive, nurturing mate.
    Sean Goss We all are scared, but only few are brave.
    www.sgafc.co.za

  2. Thanks given for this post:

    daveob (14-May-10)

  3. #2
    Diamond Member adrianh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Cape Town
    Posts
    5,089
    Thanks
    336
    Thanked 808 Times in 642 Posts

    Angry Cheating

    From your one-sided tirade I gather that you got caught cheating on your wife
    How easily someone is offended is directly proportional to how stupid they are.
    ~GS Elevator

  4. #3
    Site Caretaker Dave A's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Durban, South Africa
    Posts
    20,980
    Thanks
    3,055
    Thanked 2,462 Times in 2,067 Posts
    Blog Entries
    12
    There are communities where views on "cheating" favour men. No surprise there are communities that favour women. It is human nature to justify what one is doing and seek validation...
    The trouble with opportunity is it normally comes dressed up as work.

  5. #4
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Johannesburg
    Posts
    175
    Thanks
    7
    Thanked 88 Times in 58 Posts
    Relax guys, this is NOT my own opinion! Just posted the article for mature discussion. Do not make personal attacks if you dont even know if I am married,divorced or single.Whether I defend cheating is "neither here or there". Men and women do cheat. The fact that men were favoured in the past and ill treated their women,does not justify women today defending cheating...and that, is my opinion.
    Last edited by sgafc; 16-May-10 at 09:54 AM.
    Sean Goss We all are scared, but only few are brave.
    www.sgafc.co.za

  6. Thanks given for this post:

    Dave A (16-May-10)

  7. #5
    Diamond Member adrianh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Cape Town
    Posts
    5,089
    Thanks
    336
    Thanked 808 Times in 642 Posts

    Cheating - INTENT

    No personal attack, more like a wisecrack.

    What defines cheating?
    I think that the line is drawn subjectively.

    Some people get upset when their partner talks to another person and some are quite happy to be swingers.

    This might sound really odd but I think that the most important criteria is intent. There is a difference between "a crime of passion" and an ongoing relatioship. Before anybody jumps up and down saying that I am looking for justification, I am not, I am simply looking at it through my own unemotional eyes.

    Some people are naturally more passionate than others and some simply make mistakes in the heat of the moment but I consider cheating to be an ongoing relationship outside of the partnership. What defines such a relationship, tough one, some people say that it is sexual, some say its emotional, back to it being subjective.

    The problem is that we are far too quick to draw lines. A partner may be an excellent lover and a terribe friend, or have a brilliant mind and a horrible body.

    The question that rolls around in my mind is this: When one enters into a partnership should one shut off all thoughts of the enjoyment of other people. It seems to me that we are expected to, with the acceptance / giving of a ring, to lobotomize ourselves to the outside world.

    Another thing to consider is that people change. That person that you married when you were 23 may be completetly different when you are 35 and have 3 kids.

    My thoughts are simply thoughts on men and women alike.

    So, my view is still: Just as there is a difference between stripping your moer and hitting somebody with a hocky stick and planning a murder, there is a difference between being swept away by the moment and sneaking off everyday for a quicky. Are both acts punishable; for sure, is the first type forgiveable - for sure.

    ...INTENT
    How easily someone is offended is directly proportional to how stupid they are.
    ~GS Elevator

  8. #6
    Gold Member twinscythe12332's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    durban
    Posts
    769
    Thanks
    12
    Thanked 110 Times in 84 Posts
    the double standard eists probably because of the perceptions of men versus women. In the natural world, the male of the species is attempting to spread his seed across as many flowers as he can, to ensure his genes survive.The perception of the female of the species has always been that they are trying to find a mate and stay with them, to be protected by them. With humans, the aim seems to be (or so we are told) to find life partners that we commit ourselves to. But if we are honest with ourselves, how many times have you heard of two people just having sex, getting pregnant and then going seperate ways. It all boils down to us still having animal instincts.

    I am not saying that cheating is okay. I believe you have to be really desperate to cheat, or you have a problem (this includes situations that are FUBAR). If you have promised someone that you will remain faithful to them (if your religion allows multiple partners and they are all happy, good for you), you should do so. It is a simple case of honour, regardless of your sex.

Did you like this article? Share it with your favourite social network.

Did you like this article? Share it with your favourite social network.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •