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Thread: children and maintenance

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    children and maintenance

    i would like to hear your opinion on this matter.

    lets say you get married to a women who has children...1 ...2...3 what ever...

    this wife and kids live in your house for lets say 10 years...but because you pay all the bills in the house and i mean all the bills in the house...food...bond...insurance...maid...etc etc etc ... all the running cost including school clothes etc....but during this period her ex husband never pays anything towards the kids...and nothing gets done about taking the ex to court for mainenance and so you just keep paying...the kids grow up finish school and...bam...she divorces you and screws you for everything...so you walk away with the clothes on your back...part of the divorce agreement is an amount which you now have to pay for maintenance for your kids which you have while married to the women...just to complicate things your kids are finished school but she chooses to hang onto them...so instead of her making them go out and ad work she chooses to pay for them to sit around at home...becuause in your divorce agrreement she was clever in the way it was drawn up...you only stop paying maintenance when they become self supportive...in other words start working.

    my question is what claim do you have against this women and her kids from her previous marrige...and at what point to you stop paying her.

    the catch is you have already signed the divorce agreement.

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    Diamond Member AndyD's Avatar
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    Divource agreement aside, it's law that you pay maintenance for you children until they're 'self supporting'. I don't think there's an age specified so if your kids aren't self supporting until they're in their 30's then it's your burden for a long time to come.

    I'm guessing that as soon as they're no longer in the education system and can claim their own state benefits then you'd be off the hook.
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    Email problem Phil Cooper's Avatar
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    HOWEVER - both parents must support "in accordance with their means".

    So ex-wife must also contribute.

    And "self supporting" means that - until they work. BUT - you can go to maintenance court and apply for reduction if they are unreasonable and don't do anything about looking for a job.

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    Diamond Member Vanash Naick's Avatar
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    You raise an interesting topic which has relevance in our South African law today! The relevant legislation includes the Children’s Act 38 of 2005, The Divorce Act 70 of 1979. One must bear in mind that the law is not constant and enduring, entire acts are repealed and replaced with new acts, existing acts are amended in the form of deletion of certain sections or adding of yet others. . I’m reluctant to make a sweeping generalization but the Courts see the position of women today differently than they see women’s roles before 1994. You see men and women are equal in every way. When it comes to maintenance a court can make a maintenance order ruling for the woman to pay the man a certain amount of money every month or vice versa. Legally women must obtain gainful employment, this means that they cannot work for their favorite charity for free and expect their ex husband to maintain them. With equality of the sexes comes equality in parental responsibility and providing for one’s self!
    1. The general legal notion is that women can no longer rely on marriage or divorce for their lifestyle. They must go and work and support themselves;
    2. On the issue of children both parents, married or unmarried have equal joint custody, parental responsibility and parental accountability for that child that they brought into this world. This applies unless a court by way of court order decides otherwise;
    3. I’ll give you an example of something that transpired in my life recently, my friend’s sister is unmarried but she has a child. The child is 2 years old. The mother and father are separated so Miss X stays with her family. I extend kindness to people within reasonable limits. Over a 3 week period, over night, I noticed a situation where the grand father of Miss X, would call me and ask me to assist with baby related activities, i.e. take baby to doctor, take baby and babies mother for prayers for the baby and take babies mother to go buy food for the baby. On one faithful Friday I was literally busy, I was flooded with work, had no time to breathe. The grand father phones me from work and tells me that there is an emergency, the baby hasn’t eaten the whole day and that I must give the baby’s mother a lift to the shops to go and buy the bay food. I was really very busy, but since it was presented to me as an emergency, I left my work and went to pick up the babies mother to go and buy baby food . I don’t have children but I know that if a 2 year baby hasn’t eaten for the entire day, that child will be screaming and crying. When I got there, I found a completely different situation, the baby was at ease and seemed very content. It then occurred to me that this woman whom I don’t even know her name perhaps thought that over night, without my consent, without my knowledge and without my willingness, I would somehow magically become her husband and the father to another man’s child! That’s never going happen!
    4. Now, legally, let’s say the baby had no food the entire day, and I could not come by to give the baby’s mother a lift to go and buy the food, the law in the form of the welfare is not going to come knocking on my door! In fact, they wouldn’t even want to talk to me. The law in the form of the welfare would come knocking on only 2 people’s door, namely the mother and the father of that child and no one else. They would have then charged both parents with criminal negligence!
    5. A further legal problem in this scenario, is that I cannot intervene in a child’s life without the consent of both parents. This baby’s father could have charged me criminally for involvement in his child’s life! In this scenario, the grand parents and Uncles, Miss X’s brothers and parents somehow erroneously believe that they have rights and a say in this baby’s life. They have none! The law is very, very clear, only the mother and father of that child have parental responsibility, accountability and a say in that child’s life unless a court decides otherwise!
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    Diamond Member tec0's Avatar
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    It has been my experience that woman will find a "sucker" and get them to pay for their children and provide for them until they can find someone better and or until the child has grown up and is more "manageable" and less demanding. Also if the child has "health problems" that also becomes the "sucker's" responsibility.

    My only recommendation if you fall for this trap don’t get married. It doesn’t matter how hard these women push and they push very hard don’t get married.

    Quote Originally Posted by Vanash Naick View Post
    the grand parents and Uncles, Miss X’s brothers and parents somehow erroneously believe that they have rights and a say in this baby’s life. They have none!
    I got a question Vanash; If the parents leave the children "especially between the ages of 0 to 7 years of age" in the care of the grandparents and expect them "the grandparents" to buy clothing, feed them, take them to the doctor, take them to school, clean them and give them a place to sleep. They have NO RIGHT OR SAY IN THE CHILD'S LIFE? Do I understand this correctly?

    If so can said grandparents then SUE the parents for ALL the moneys spend? In this case it is more then R40200! to date.

    I really do think it is time for new bloody laws… In my experience modern parents are parasites! And yet the law protects ONLY THEM??? Now that is just BULL $HIT!
    Last edited by tec0; 26-Jun-12 at 08:50 AM.
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    Email problem Phil Cooper's Avatar
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    If you don't marry, but have a child, you are as liable for the support as if you had tied the knot.

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    Diamond Member tec0's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phil Cooper View Post
    If you don't marry, but have a child, you are as liable for the support as if you had tied the knot.
    Yes you are right. But in this scenario the child is not yours it is someone else's child and if you don’t marry you are not fully responsible for that child. And that is why these women will push for marriage because that will make you responsible. It is a sad reality actually that people will force their responsibility onto others.
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    Platinum Member sterne.law@gmail.com's Avatar
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    Grandparents, both maternal and paternal can be held liable for maintenance. And vice versa
    Anthony Sterne

    www.acumenholdings.co.za
    DISCLAIMER The above is merely a comment in discussion form and an open public arena. It does not constitute a legal opinion or professional advice in any manner or form.

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    Platinum Member sterne.law@gmail.com's Avatar
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    A court can always be approached to alter any maintenance agreement.
    If there is no maintenance agreement in the divorce decree then you can not approach the court to grant one, it is only done at divorce stage.
    Anthony Sterne

    www.acumenholdings.co.za
    DISCLAIMER The above is merely a comment in discussion form and an open public arena. It does not constitute a legal opinion or professional advice in any manner or form.

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    here is something to consider...i do beleive there are many males in this situation nowadays..

    you marry a women who already has child/children from a previous marrige...boyfriend or one night fling...the father of the child never pays a cent towards the child/children and when you confront the wife about it...it causes huge domestics...she has you hook line and sinker and every now again again reminds you why you are with her...lust for those all nighters where she acts like protestitute on e and steriods...so you stick around...but little do you know as teco pointed out you the sucker not her...as soon as the kids are grown up and out of school...she slaps you with a divorce agreement so tight you cant even change your underpants when you leave the house and takes you for everything you own and some...then sues you for maintenance to keep up he lifestyle gym contract...SUV...the works...and man do those words ring in your head when the lawyer who draw up the marrige contract warned you about...once burnt twice shy...people cant understand why my wife pays for her dinner when we go out.

    in fact we have a marrige agreement that no matter what happens she gets what is hers and keep whats mine...and we have a invertory list of every item purchased before and during the marrige...we pay 50 % for everything in the house...be it a picture for the wall or nappies for the kid...our divorce would be so simple...there would be no cutting stuff in half fighting over who owns what...the 35 page invetory list itemises everything right down to the knives and forks in the kitchen...she buys what she want with her money and i do the same...we do held each other out every now and again when things are tight

    my question...what claim do you have against the mother and father of the children...you supported for lets say 10 - 15...when you get divorced and she starts trying to take everything...do you have a claim?

    and i also hear that once a child reaches 18 you no longer have to pay maintenance...but the child can sue the parents for maintenance until 21 if the child is studying for example...how true is this statement?

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