At the ripe old age of 77, grandpa had decided to marry a young girl of 20.
Grandpa's doctor tried to explain that at his age sex with a young girl could be dangerous, even fatal. Grandpa, not the slightest bit perturbed replied "Oh well, if she dies, I'll just get myself another one."
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
The new Vicar was up early one Sunday morning, walking
round his new parish, after leaving his wife in bed
with the Sunday papers, her cup of tea, and a pack of
One of the old villagers came up to him and said.
"Good morning Vicar, how be you and the wife?"
The Vicar said, "Good morning my man, I am fine, the
wife is fine also as I left her in bed smoking."
The villager said, "Arr, Vicar, that's the way to fuck 'em!"
- Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.